Fatherhood & Recovery in Honey Boy

Writer: Sean Hotchkiss

“Honey Boy” is a raw, gorgeously shot movie written by Shia LeBouf and directed by Alma Har’el that depicts a fictional portrayal of LeBouf’s childhood and relationship with his father, whom LeBouf plays opposite Noah Jupe and Lucas Hedges as different versions of himself at 12 and 22. 

It is also undeniably a story about recovery. LeBeouf began writing the script while in court-ordered rehab, and the film depicts his father’s struggle with addiction, his attendance at twelve step meetings, and Hedges as LeBouf’s older self going through the at times hilarious and other times agonizing work of coming into contact with his feelings while in rehab. The screaming in the woods scene is an all-too-familiar trope, but a powerful one. 

As someone who has spent time in twelve step meetings, and done years of recovery work, I loved that “Honey Boy” was a reminder that we can never outrun our past. 

LeBeouf, like myself and many of us, tried to. He tried to soar high and fly far away from his roots by becoming a Hollywood star, and when the bottom finally fell out, he had to return to the facts of his rough upbringing.

The film also offers a reminder that as we begin looking at and reflecting on ourselves, it’s crucial that we look to our parent’s shadow as an entry point to healing. When we’re hurt in childhood, we start learning to stuff our feelings away as a means of surviving. Jupe does a wonderful job of showing this process in action. You can feel him stuffing away the pain, going mute and silent when he has to, in the face of his father’s ridicule, anger, and rage. 

When we finally come out of the fog – as LeBouf did in rehab – we often have barriers of years and years of denial between us and the anger and grief we’re holding. By identifying his father’s shadowier aspects, LeBouf was able to begin to see the origins of his pain, name it, and begin to heal. 

In my own life, it took me many years to see my father’s shadow side after his suicide. I had to begin to let the denial fall away that he had been a perfect father, and let myself see the darkness that existed in him, as it exists in me and in all of us. By seeing his darkness I began to see my own, and that saved me from a lot of further damage to myself. I had an old literary agent tell me once that ‘whether we like it or not, we all become our parents’, and he’s right. LeBouf grows up watching his dad go to AA meetings, mired in his own grief, and self pity. Of course a son doesn’t want to end up this way and tries to go the other way, but inevitably, as much as we try to get away from our parent’s shadows, we end up in them. And we have to go back and face what’s there. Still, many of us don’t. And our lives suffer for it. 

This movie is a massive victory for LeBouf, and a must-see for anyone doing deep work on themselves. It’s a battle cry to go back, face the demons of our childhood, no matter how subtle they are, and come out lighter. Through the process of making this movie, LeBouf also reconnected with his father, and was able to show him the movie and watch his reaction to it. If that isn’t healing, I don’t know what is.   

Shia LeBouf